Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The power of my boobs compel you
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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