The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
should my penis look like a turkey
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
