I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
