No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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