y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
