His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Houston, we have a squirter
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
