I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
