My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
