Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
