I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
