Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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