u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
