Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
