your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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