I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
