Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my poor anus
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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