my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she peed on how many people?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
