the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ladies don't puke and tell
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
