Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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