the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize