I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
