So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's the barista slut.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
