Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
