Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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