apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
