I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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