I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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