Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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