i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
