So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
