Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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