you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
