its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
the liver wants what the liver wants
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
