I just saw a hot homeless man
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
