9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i've created a new STD.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
