I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
