i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
