I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
