remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
