I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize