she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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