I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
