Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
