Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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