You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
