Tell her she can't have a vagina
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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