i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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