You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
