If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
