Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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