I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize