I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
