This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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