I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
