All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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