His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
