My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize