Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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