yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
