She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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