My first STD was from a foam party
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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