Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
