Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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