Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
