"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
