Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
