It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
