If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
