It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
