Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
