Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
