i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
