Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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