i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
