im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
