3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
