i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
