Dual....:-)
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
