remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
