ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
how drunk are you?
Several
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
