I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
