the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
