Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
