I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
